ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
