fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
