guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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