Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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