I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
