You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I take back everything I said about communal showers
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
