She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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