Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
