Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
