Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
