giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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