btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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