is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
