covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
