We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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