JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
