My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
