Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
