so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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