If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
