remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
