Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
