Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
