There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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