dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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