I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
