I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
