Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
