1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
