I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
