i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
soo... how was my night?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
