there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he laminated a picture of his dick.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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