Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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