dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
