The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
