And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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