im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
