i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
