Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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