Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just high enough for therapy.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
