we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
