Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
