even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
