Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
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