High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i want to swaddle you in tequila
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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