Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
