ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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