what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
