I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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