I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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