I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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